My View of Life - Never Better!

Chapter 1

Lord, I Failed Thee

My Patriarchal Blessing

Since My Novel Didn't Sell Hundreds of Thousands of Copies,

and I Have Not shared the Gospel to the Inhabitants of the

Earth, I Had a Vivid Dream that I Failed.

Worried sick, I Went to My Savior in Prayer, and Felt the

Following Story. I've Been Content and on Cloud Nine Ever Since.

Rhett Wintch entered the house followed by his parents. It was a modest home with simple decorations throughout; but there was something different about it. It belonged to an elderly couple, the Stake Patriarch and his wife.

That's what it was. It carried a spirit of reverence, of faith, love, and . . . commitment. These two people were as close to God as anyone he'd ever known. Each of them in their eighties, both with silvery white hair--they even looked celestial. Rhett sat down in the living room with his parents, the patriarch and his wife sitting near them.

"What a splendid occasion," Patriarch Lance announced. " Rhett, from the moment your family moved into the ward two years ago, we've admired you. We see you every week at church, and you keep yourself clean cut, and . . . "

"And so handsome," his mother interrupted."

"So you're starting your senior year next month?"

"Yes."

"How soon do you turn nineteen?"

"Next May."

"Do you have any plans?"

Rhett had to grin. "Yes, I believe I'll serve a mission."

Patriarch Lance clapped his hands and smiled. "You have all the right answers. I have no doubt our Heavenly Father has special plans for you."

"He's wanted to serve a mission since he was knee high to a grasshopper," dad added, starting a memoir of Rhett's eighteen years of life.

Oh no, Carl sighed quietly to himself. They're going to talk about me."

He's always been a fine young man," dad continued. Wish Betty and I had something to do with it, but . . . . he paused and rubbed his hand on his chin. Well, his goodness has got to come from his mother and his heavenly parents." Chuckling, he looked at mom. She was smiling back.

The conversation detailed how Rhett, the youngest of five children, was raised in the National Parks of the Northwestern United States, that he was a sober child, and that he took his parents ambitions and pursuits seriously.

The year was 1967, and Rhett was seven years old. Dad made benches for 20 mostly non-member children, and mom organized the primary program in Yellowstone Park. Rhett was right in the middle of it. He and his brother invited every friend they had. Soon the benches were filled with kids singing primary songs, and learning of Christ, and his teachings. Church was held in the Wintch Home, and the bedrooms and even the bathroom were used to teach Sunday school lessons. Rhett had no problem being lined up with three other kids on the bathtub to listen to a lesson about Jesus or Joseph Smith.

When it seemed the conversation was winding down, mom spoke up, wanting to get her two cents in. We've moved six times in Rhett's short eighteen years. He's had to defend the gospel at every turn because, invariably, his friends would question his commitment and beliefs."

"Why in the world would you travel in a blizzard 20 miles just to go to church?" They'd ask in bewilderment. "Why do you give up Tuesday nights to go back again? Why do you get up early to go to, oh, what do you call it,seminary? And what's this meeting you have on Monday night?"

What would you tell them, Rhett?"

"Oh, stop it mom."

"Please."

"Oh, I'd probably say it was the right thing to do, or something like that."

"I want to learn of God, and do as he'd have me do," was another answer," mom grinned. "Your answers would silence your friends, and I know they respected your conduct."

Rhett sat quietly, and a little uncomfortable, hoping to get the spotlight off of him. It was true his circumstances of being raised in the park service had presented a good amount of challenges. Many of them had gotten the best of him. He'd done a good deal of repenting, and right now he was hoping his repentance was acceptable to his Father in Heaven.

'' Okay Rhett, let's exchange your seat for a kitchen chair. Patriarch Lance placed his hands on his head, and began--the spirit quickly grew filling the room with light, knowledge, and peace as wondrous pronouncements unfolded. '' You shall preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the inhabitants of the earth. They will listen to your message, and . . . ''

The blessing ended, but no one moved. The room was silent. Finally, dad stammered. '' My goodness son, looks . . . looks like you've got a lot of work to do.''

'' We'' ll have your copies ready in one week,'' Patriarch Lance announced.

The ride home was anything but quiet, and silence was what Rhett needed. He wanted to reflect on some of the promises, and he was grasping at other details that he couldn't fully remember. '' You're going to find a lovely, worthy young lady, get married in the temple, and have both sons and daughters,'' mom stated.

'' You should always follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and you'll do what's right,'' Dad chimed in. '' And . . . and wow, there's a whole huge paragraph on your sharing the gospel to the world starting . . . yesterday. I was thinking in eleven months when you turn nineteen, and can serve a full time mission. What's with that?"

That was what Rhett wanted to know. Preach to the whole world? Surely not him. Either Heavenly Father didn't know the real Rhett, a thought so ridiculous he immediately dismissed it, or God must know something about him he didn't. In any rate, that was his blessing. Though it didn't seem to fit. Rhett Wintch, would be preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to the world.

Chapter 2

Called to Serve

It was Saturday Afternoon. Rhett was not on the schedule to work at the local supermarket. He found himself a little unsettled with the abundance of free time. He drove his car down by the Colorado River which was just a few miles from his Moab Utah home. Memories began sprouting from his mind like a high speed camera filming flowers shooting from the ground after a spring rain. He'd made a difference at the market. His co-workers were impressed with his work ethic, his clean speech, and wholesome behavior.

He thought of high school and sunk deeper in his seat. He'd graduated but it was a long road. He developed behaviors and habits that were difficult to break. Anyone that says high school is easy should try it out a second time. Surely Satan has most of his forces focused on that age.

But his current life's choices were now bringing pleasure and peace to his heart. He'd done well getting prepared to serve the Lord. His habits of prayer, scripture study, and honoring his parents were now guiding him to be acquainted with the spirit just as his patriarchal blessing said.

As he drove, he felt a nudging, a little comforting touch of the spirit that today was the day. The long awaited arrival of his mission call. The mail man would be arriving soon. He turned toward home. As he arrived, his mother came out the front door, and dad came around the side of the house, putting aside his gardening for the moment.

It seemed a magical fairy-tail-like play as the mailman drove up and handed the big white envelope to six awaiting hands. They went inside. There would be no waiting. "You are called to enter the MTC in Provo Utah on July 26^th, 1979 to labor for two years in the Chile, Vina Del Mar Mission. Rhett took his call and held it close. The spirit was confirming that that was the area of the world where Elder Wintch could begin fulfilling the commission outlined in his patriarchal blessing.

Chapter 3

Chile

'' The field is white, already to harvest, Rhett whispered softly as he eyed the towering Andes Mountains as the plane made it's decent into Santiago Chile.

Rhett served an honorable mission, falling in love with the people of Chile, and all the surroundings that had become his second home. He enjoyed much success, baptizing many, and planting many seeds. Tears dripped to his lap, as he waved good-by to the more than 100 people that came to see him off on the bus. Now he was to begin a new mission. He had no idea of the particulars, but he knew it would have to do with sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to the inhabitants of the earth.

Chapter 4

Failure

Rhett Wintch lay in his bed, a tear working its way down the side of his face. He'd failed, and now it was too late. He was 60 years old, and he had perhaps just days or hours left. The cancer had taken its toll and there would be no more chemo or radiation. At least he'd be joining his precious wife who had passed away two years earlier. She'd fought a thirty year battle with diabetes, finally succumbing to its weakening effects.

He thought of his daughter who had taken him in to her home when he required assistance with his care, until just a week ago. At first he was reluctant, and expressed concerns about being a burden on her and her family but she'd had none of it.

It wasn't long until Rhett was thankful for the decision. He loved to tell his four grandchildren stories of running up and down the mountains of Yellowstone Park. They'd sit on the floor with their legs crossed looking up intently at him. Tales of Elk, moose, and bears would thrill them the most, along with the geysers that would shoot boiling water high in the air.

He became the opponent for frequent games of Sorry, Chess, Candy land, and other games. He found himself making sure he was available, by sitting on the living room sofa, covered with a blanket, and always a table nearby.

As the end of his mortal life grew imminent, he became engaged in the hospice program. All of the nurses and nurse's aids were angels to him. Heart-broken he played a last game of sorry with the younger grandchildren, and waved good-bye. He was transferred to the hospice facility for essentially one purpose-to die.

At least it was nicely decorated, and always smelled nice, but now his usefulness had reached an end. All he could do was lay there and look at the textured ceiling with the shining glitter. The thoughts of his patriarchal blessing kept popping into his head like popcorn in the popper. It only made him feel worse. He'd got off to a good start with his mission to Chile, and then . . . and then nothing, absolutely nothing worked after that.

He began offering a prayer from the depths of his soul. A prayer that hopefully Heavenly Father would forgive him for his failure. Why didn't his life pan out like his patriarchal blessing prophesied? Would it be fulfilled in the hereafter? And why did his precious companion pass on? They were planning on serving mission after mission. His only conclusion was that he didn't spend the 40 years since his blessing appropriately-he'd failed, and failed miserably. The tear left his face, and splashed on the pillow.

Since sleep was not forth-coming, he would review in his mind each step of his life, and evaluate where he went wrong, and why he didn't follow through. That way he could explain what happened to his Savior and Redeemer.

After his mission he went to college, intent on obtaining a sound education, and hopefully, finding this beautiful, loving wife. What a chapter that was.

Chapter 5

College Life

College life, no matter how Rhett tried, was not a time for missionary work. It was a time of investing in himself. He was taking premed classes, and they required hours and hours of study beyond his time in school.

His job was stressful. He worked all three years as a manager of the lunch shift at the college cafeteria, training, teaching, and guiding the students to be proficient in their jobs. At least he gained new strengths of patience and courage along with skills of communication, delegation, and supervision. It was rewarding for him to see the students grasp their role in feeding a thousand starving students, but there was no sharing the gospel during work.

What of his favorite scripture? D&C 15:6 and 16:6 And now, behold, I say unto you, that the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people, that you may bring souls unto me, that you may rest with them in the kingdom of my Father. Amen

Ricks College was a church school; not a lot of preaching the gospel to non-members. At least there was home-teaching. Rhett never missed, and he made sure the students he taught were well cared for.

However, there was another part of his blessing that was possible at Ricks-a wife. He first noticed her at the taco bar in the cafeteria. Long slightly wavy light brown hair, a smile that beautified her face and everything around her, and a bubbly personality.

After a month of fighting off all the men that were pursuing her, and a few dates, Rhett also found she had a love of the gospel, and a powerful testimony. Beyond that, she loved the outdoors-camping, hiking, and fishing. He was hooked. It took some doing but they were married that next spring . . . in the temple.

A smile tickled the corner of Rhett's cracked lips as he thought of Jean-38 fabulous years together. But what a roller coaster ride that ensued shortly after their marriage. Who'd have thought that her mother. . .

~~~~

The call came at two pm. Rhett was still at work. ''Jean,'' her dad stammered through moans and sniffles. "Your mother is . . . is gone. She passed away this morning. Jean dropped the phone, but quickly grappled with the cord, and slammed it against her ear.

No,'' she stammered. "She's so young. You're . . . this can't be! She has little children! Dad!''

"It's true, my girl. She passed from a ruptured hemangioma on her liver. She lost blood so quickly the doctors and nurses couldn't save her.''

Jean, numb from head to toe spent days and weeks mourning the loss of her mother. There was only one choice, and to her relief, Rhett was already well underway with rendering all the support he could.

He gathered up his precious bride, and their new little daughter, and moved to Orem Utah. There they could help with Jean's five little brothers and sister. They moved into an apartment complex which was also their ward--no non-members to speak of.

Rhett dropped his plans to attend med. school back in Michigan or Ohio where he'd be neck deep in missionary work. He changed his career to nursing, and found employment as a registered nurse in the emergency room at Utah Valley Medical Center where nearly every employee was a member of the church.

Year after year passed. Another daughter and two sons were added to the Wintch Home. It now seemed as if Rhett and Jean had ten children. Each of them needed care and nurture which they lovingly and willingly provided. Again those high school years. Some of Jeans siblings struggled. Even to the extent they took them in for periods of time.

Rhett and Jean were so engaged in rearing children, and making a living, that they had little time for anything else. But they did have the reward of seeing their children and Jean's little siblings embrace the teachings of the gospel, and develop a love for the Savior and his church.

~~~~

Rhett found much fulfillment caring for the sick and injured in the ER. He could make a huge difference in their lives in a short period of time. The only problem was that, after his patients were discharged, he normally would never see them again. He never knew if they remembered his love, concern, and if his skillful nursing care made a difference. Well, except for Russ the Scruff.

There was a dirty, foul smelling, transient that frequented the Utah Valley ER. He looked about eighty, but he was probably twenty years younger. His clothing was perhaps a gray pair of overalls, but they were so filthy it was hard to tell. His boots probably hadn't come off in months. The nurses had a few choice words to say when they'd removed them in the past. His beard was a salt and pepper with some brown, hopefully not stain from chewing tobacco or vomit.

On cold days he would make his way in to the waiting room, and about the time security would be coming out to escort him off the premises, he'd come up with a reason to be seen by a doctor. On other occasions, he was found passed out, drunk on the curb. Someone would call 911, and the ambulance would bring him in.

Every nurse in the ER knew him. He'd been a frequent flier for nearly two years. He picked up the name Russ the Scruff because one night when he arrived drunk, Rhett had checked his pockets. Two checks totaling 1600 dollars made out to Russel Holcomb. Something wasn't making sense.

All the nurses including Rhett were puzzled. What was the story behind this man? It was a cool windy day in late February. It was like Spring was taunting that it was going to arrive, but . . . not really. Russ the Scruff showed up, and wanted to be seen by the doctor for a sore on his foot.

Rhett reluctantly put him in a room, and, wearing a mask due to the smell, pealed his boots off. The socks were mushy, torn, frayed, and stuck to Russ' skin. They were too far gone to resemble socks. One of them was caked with old dried blood. Sure enough, Russ had a sore, but this time there was something different. Russ wasn't as drunk as usual.

'' Russ, it's good to see you,'' Rhett said, as nonchalantly as he could. Russ muttered something inaudible. Something inside of Rhett urged him to figure out what happened to this man. What was his story? He had to know. '' Russ, you've got to tell me about yourself. I know your name is Russel Holcomb. Months ago I found two checks, in your pocket. Why do you choose to live this way?

Russ scoffed, looked away, and made no attempt to answer. '' Tell you what, Russ,'' Rhett said. '' These socks are not worth putting back on your feet. We have some pairs in our clothing closet. I'll help you wash up, and get you a new pair of socks if you'll tell me a little about yourself. Again no answer.

'' Okay, I've got to check on my other patients. Just think about it. I'll be back in a little bit." Rhett moved toward the door.

'' Awe heck, why do you care to know about me? I'm worth zero-nada. I'd be better off dead.'' Rhett stopped.

'' Everyone has a story to tell.''

"That's undeniably true, but you may not like what you hear.'' Puzzled, Rhett stepped back in the room, rubbing his chin. Undeniably? He didn't talk like an ill-educated bum off the street as most people would say.

'' Do we have a deal?'' Rhett pressed.

'' Go see your other patients, and I'll think about it.''

Rhett returned with a new pair of socks, and sat in the chair next to the gurney. Russ looked at him then shook his head chuckling. " You people have no idea.'' He looked back at Rhett, casting him a sarcastic grin. '' Okay, you asked for it.''

I was born and raised in Las Vegas Nevada. I was born under the covenant to goodly parents.'' He paused to note the bewilderment in Rhett's eyes. '' Are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day-saints?'' he asked.

'' True blue through and through,'' Rhett stammered.

'' They should have named you Joseph,'' Russ chuckled. '' I grew up, married my beautiful Audrey in the temple, did my undergraduate study at UNLV, and my graduate study in chemical engineering at Stanford. I took a job in New Mexico at the site. Raised a family, had six children, a beautiful home-the American Dream, right?'' Rhett could only look on.

'' Well, one thing led to another. I was laid off, I couldn't find employment in Albuquerque that paid even half what I made at the site. By that time we had three children in high school that didn't want to leave. Audrey and I disagreed on what to do. We divorced. I tried to continue parenting my children for five years. Their struggles, Audrey's disappointment, and my frustration became too much. I . . . ''

Rhett waited several moments. ''You what?''

"I gave up, alright? I gave up!.''

Rhett looked at the floor, his mind racing. ''How long ago?''

'' Two years.''

Rhett fumbled for more than an hour with his other patients, and the care that Russ required, mulling over the next step with Russ. ''Here are your discharge instructions,'' Rhett said, handing Russ a belonging's bag full of clean clothes, a razor, bar of soap, a toothbrush, and toothpaste.

#1 Wear new clothes, use razor, and toothbrush.

#2 Come unto Christ: read Matthew 11:28-30.

#3 Keep your covenants, endure to the end.

#4 Never give up on yourself or your family.

#5 Meet me for lunch.

Russ left the ER with his new belongings. Months went by with little change. Russ visited the ED only less frequently. He never met Rhett for lunch, and then, he was never seen again.

~~~~

The ER brought another rewarding element to his life. The doctors, other nurses, and staff became a second family to him. They had to rely on each other, and work as a team to render the care the patients required. Hopefully they saw an example of faithfulness to God, obedience to his commandments, and commitment to stay the course.

In the rare moments that Rhett had to reflect on what he was doing with his life he'd sigh. It was like his life was laid out for him. He didn't have a lot of say. The thoughts of not preaching the gospel to the inhabitants of the earth nagged him, but he could not and would not shirk the responsibilities of family. At least he and Jean had another aspect of life that was rewarding for them-their ward.

Chapter 6

Rhett's Ward and his callings

A favorite scripture of Rhett's is found in Doctrine and Covenants 1:38. Whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same. Rhett was sitting at the bishop's desk who was also a good friend. "Bishop, I know, without doubt, the scripture in D&C 1:38 is true. But I can't believe it. You're calling me to a different calling than scouting? The ward emergency preparedness chairman? Every single calling I've had throughout my adult life has been with the youth."

"Is that so? Maybe I should go back to the Lord, and see if he'll reconsider," he answered, chuckling. "Let's see . . . you're 54 now, right?"

"Yes."

"Tell me if I get this right because you've told me before. Nineteen years in scouting, five of those as scout master."

"You nailed it bishop."

Rhett's mind drifted to a beautiful mountain trail. Scrub oak and pine trees lined the canyon, and a stream about 15 feet across tumbled toward the trail head below. The trail wound its way up the canyon 2 more miles where it flattened into a beautiful meadow with a small lake full of trout-their destination.

"Brother Wintch,'' Jake said, grabbing him by the arm. "Why do you think that younger scout is crying?" Rhett stopped, eyeing the scout troop that lined the trail. He observed their leader. An older gentleman with a raggedy backpack, tennis shoes, and a huge ring of sweat half way down his shirt.

"Do you see the pack the boy is carrying? It's probably a 5400 centimeter pack. Way too big for a boy of about 100 pounds. It will put undo weight on his shoulders and legs. And look at his shoes. They're brand new. He's probably got blisters."

"I wonder if their leader trained them like you did us? Jake questioned. "We all got our fit-for-life merit badge first. I still remember running around the track a thousand times. And you took us on a smaller hike before this one, and explained the proper gear to us."

"Thank you Jake. What do you think we should do?"

"Tell them to go back home. It' s even steeper from here on."

Rhett laughed.

"Actually, I think our pioneering merit badge is going to come in handy right now."

Two hours later, both troops arrived at the lake. The other scout master and the boy never had to carry their packs. Rhett looked on with admiration as he watched the scouts from the other troop question how they lashed the two packs to spars and carried them up the mountain. All was forgotten as they settled into the fun of the beautiful setting, and, of course, a couple dozen fresh trout frying in their pans and in tinfoil.

Rhett, awkwardly startled, again focused on the bishop. The pristine mountain scene reluctantly faded from his mind.

"Rhett . . . Rhett I'm worried about your wife. She's had such a struggle with diabetes. How is she doing?"

Rhett swallowed hard, switched gears, and recounted jean's twenty nine year battle.

Chapter 7

A battle with Diabetes

Jean cradled the precious soul in her arms. She was hers-all hers. Rhett looked on, eyes wide with wonder and awe. His life would never be the same. Thoughts of hearing her first word, taking her first step, and singing her first song, warmed him as though he was in a hot pool of water.

At their one week check-up, Rhett and Jean sat in the obstetrician's office. The door opened and shut. "Hi Doctor Thornton," Jean said, her eyes quickly narrowing with concern. Dr. Thornton, had a worried look on his face. "Is everything okay?"

"Well, Jean, you know how we talked about you having gestational diabetes."

"Yes, it goes away when the baby is born."

"That's true, but it also means that you are more susceptible to develop diabetes later on.

"You're not telling me I have it are you?" Jeans voice was quivering.

"It's too early to know for sure, but the blood test we took when you arrived indicates a blood sugar of 276. That's quite high. I'm going to schedule you for another test, and we'll go from there."

From that moment, there was never any good news. Jeans tests were always positive. She was diagnosed as a type I diabetic.

As life throws its curve balls, Rhett found out one of life's major truths. People either grow from adversity or they buckle. Jean was an inspiration in spite of all the appointments with the endocrinologist, changes in diet, pills, insulin injections-nothing was going to hinder her from enjoying all she could out of life. Rhett found that he'd married a champion.

"Jean, I advise you to not have another child." Dr. Thomas shifted his weight.

"You can't be serious."

"You are now considered a type I diabetic."

"Dr. Thomas, I did not come to this earth to be scared of the "what ifs." I've made this a matter of prayer. Even Rhett, though he's been very reluctant knows there's one more child up there for us to raise.''

'' But the risks are great. You'd have to have weekly appointments over the last several months of the pregnancy. In your case, maybe even twice a week. And the other strains on your heart and other organs. Already your kidney function is in decline."

"Hum, you make a good point Dr. Thomas. Looks like I need to choose between you and God."

"Oh, stop it. I think God helps specialists like me to give proper counsel, and that's what I'm giving you."

"I know, I'm sorry. But I have faith in you. You'll keep taking care of me, won't you?''

"Of course I will." But no one could miss the tear coursing down his face.

Jean bore her fourth child-a son. He was his mother-s boy. Until he started school he wouldn't go out and play until he'd snuggled for an hour with his mom. She raised him and his siblings with all the love, nurture, and commitment of a healthy mother.

There were many times when her blood sugars were so low that she fainted. Other times her sugars were so high that she could barely speak or move. Her kidney function was such that she was being prepared to receive a fistula so she could receive dialysis three times a week. Her energy was silently retreating from her body. It was a fine line that she and the whole family walked every day. But Jean would have it no other way, and now . . . now was the big day. Regardless of the almost inevitable demise of her health, it was time for Nathan to open his mission call.

Chapter 8

Elder Nathan Wintch, Called on a Mission

The living room was filled with thirty or more people. All of Nathan's friends, and all the family was there. Nathan waited, toying with everyone as they anticipated his call. Finally he opened it. "You are hereby called to the Mexico Torreon Mission," he shouted. The room erupted, many of them turning to a huge world map that was hung on the wall.

"Wow, looks like the desert," a friend called out.

"You're close to Chase in the Monterey Mission, another shouted.

"You get to learn Spanish," cried yet another.

The drive to the MTC was familiar because Nathan had accompanied his big brother two and half years earlier. But this time it was his moment. They enjoyed his favorite Chinese food, walked around the Provo Temple, and at long last, said their good-byes at the curb.

He didn't expect tears but they gushed from his mother, and soon they slid from his eyes as well. Somehow he knew, and he knew that mom knew, that they would never see each other again in this life. But the work of Almighty God was everything for them. Doing the will of their Father in Heaven would bring more joy to them than they could ever imagine.

Chapter 9

Departing from this Life

"Rhett, would you play my favorite hymn on your phone once more?"

"Sure, my queen." Queen was the name he started calling her some years ago. Not only did it rhyme with Jean, but it perfectly fit her.

But Rhett's heart was growing heavy. It was her third weak in the ICU unit of the hospital. Her body was simply worn out. Her kidneys had complete failed, and her heart and liver were not far behind. That morning, after an intense conversation with the Doctor, Rhett and Jean switched her advanced directive to DNR. It horrified Rhett. To him it seemed a death warrant, and now . . . now Jean was giving him a sign that her time was short.

Rhett tapped the hymn, Come Come Ye Saints. He reviewed the words, "and should we die before our journey's through, Happy day! All is well!" But inside, he wanted to scream. It's not well. I want to serve missions with Jean. I can't even fathom going with someone else. Oh God, why, why, why?

"Rhett?"

He dried his eyes, and took in a deep breath. "Yes, my queen."

"I'm . . . so sorry . . . I took your dreams from you. '' Her words coming out more like gasps.

'' Oh, stop it. You are my dream--you're my everything."

"Now hold on. You're . . . my everything. I hope . . . it's not . . . to much to ask, but . . . can you try to not . . . take too long . . . to join me?"

Rhett looked away. He didn't want jean to see him crying. But then his whole body began shaking. His sobbing filled the room.

It was several moments later that Rhett heard the sweet soft whispers of his wife. '' Rhett , the best . . .decision . . . I ever made . . . was marrying you. He turned back to her, and took both her hands in his. To me . . . you have served . . . the greatest mission . . . of all. You're . . . my . . . my . . . he . . . .

Her eyes were fixed, she exhaled, and . . . lay still. Rhett didn't move, numb, bewildered . . . He knew he needed to notify Nathan and the other children, but right now his world was a blank sheet-empty of direction, empty of thought, purpose, and identity. Nothing in his life was at all what he expected. All he knew, was he needed to stay the course outlined by Heavenly Father. But what was that course? He'd never done as he'd outlined for him. Even his course was a blur. Now what?

Chapter 10

I Don't Understand?

It was less than a year when Rhett was diagnosed with cancer. He was, in no way, over his precious Jean. Though he'd considered it, he hadn't dated. He continued his work at the emergency room, and began spending more time in the temple participating with baptisms for the dead, washing and anointing, endowments, and ceilings. He began doing family history, finding many names to have their work done. He enlisted ward and family members to get them all done.

He found a new hobby. His heart was completely full, and he needed to get his inner being out. He filled several journals, wrote an entire novel, put together a web-site which he filled with blogs, and wrote several poems and short stories. He had the publishing process started when the cancer became too intense to continue. His last hope to preach the gospel to the world.

Now Rhett lay in his bed, staring at the glitter on the textured ceiling. He, as with Jean, now had an advanced directive, a DNR. But this was different than Jeans. Jean was pure, delight-some, and whole. She was ready to return home. He was not. He was frustrated, empty, and confused. Nothing had turned out right, and 60 years was way too short. He hadn't even begun to realize his dreams.

Now he could barely move. He could accomplish nothing, even his thought process achieved nothing, and though very tired, sleep didn't seem to be coming. All he could do was lay there and let the tear work its way down his face, and look at the glitter on the ceiling.

The hours of night crept by. He drifted in and out of consciousness. His only thoughts were his failure to preach the gospel to the inhabitants of the earth, and how was he going to explain it to his Savior. The glitter on the ceiling seemed to be enhancing. Was it a dream? An outline was forming it was the world map like the one hung on the wall for Nathan's mission call.

A light appeared in Utah where he was born. Other lights appeared all around Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, Colorado-the states where he was raised. New lights appeared in Chile, more in Utah, and other states including California and Nevada. Then lights started popping up everywhere-Europe, Asia, Africa. All over the world. What did it mean?

Rhett's senses were becoming sharper as he gazed at the world covered with lights. The lights were beginning to take shape . . .people! They were people! The map disappeared as the people drew nearer, and the ceiling gave way into a smooth floor.

The person in front was beginning to take shape . . . white hair to his shoulders, a well-groomed beard, and glorious beyond. . . Oh, oh Lord my God, Rhett gasped as he recognized the man coming before him. He dropped to his knees, the tears gushing from his eyes. He came up to him, his tears bathing his feet.

Rhett could not look up. He could not face him. Why, why didn't he have more time? A hand gently took hold of his arm . . . lifting. "Oh no," he moaned, but he stood, and looked into the eyes of his Savior. Eyes that transcended far more of the meaning of warmth, love, charity, kindness, and goodness than he'd ever imagined. "Well done, my dear brother Rhett Wintch. Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for you did all that I commanded you to do. You took me in your whole life through. You preached the gospel to the inhabitants of the earth!

Rhett had to look away. His Savior must not know. "When did I take the in Lord? I served but a two year mission, and from there . . . from there, he dropped his head in despair, I failed thee. I wanted to serve thee with all my heart, but I never could. My wife Jean's mother died, and we assisted them for thirteen years until they were all grown. I dropped out of med. school and became a nurse. I never made much money or had much influence. I was never a bishop or elder's quorum president, I just seemed to always work with the youth. I was planning on serving missions as a couple with Jean, but she passed away. I attended the temple, and did some family history, and submitted names, but it wasn't much. I wrote some stories where I could bear witness of thee, and thy wondrous plan, but the cancer took hold of me and I never got them published. I finished 17 journals. You can see I wanted to serve thee. I honestly did.

A hand gently tugged on his shoulder. "Look," Jesus said, as he stretched out his hand. The earth in intricate form spread before him. The light in Utah appeared.

"That light is you," the Savior stated. Another light appeared in Wyoming. That light is Glenn Harris. Because of your good example when you were just a lad in Yellowstone Park, he was baptized. Lights began lighting up in Brazil. He later served a mission to Brazil. A light popped up in Glacier Montana. That light is Scott Parsons. Because of your influence he too was baptized. Lights began flaring in Argentina.

Other lights shown in Utah then began to shine in the Philippines, Russia, The Dominican Republic, and Africa. Those lights are from Jean's little brothers who served missions. The light continued at an ever faster pace. These lights are from people you baptized on your mission. Many of them went on to serve missions, and their children are now serving missions.

The lights indeed were filling the world. The lights are from all the youth you taught from the little ones in Primary to the graduating seniors, to all the scouts, nearly every one of which obtained the rank of eagle, and went on to serve missions. These lights are for the people who became active in church because of your good example at your work place. This light is Russ Holcomb who cleaned up his life and moved back to Las Vegas where he was a good influence for his children until he passed away happy and fulfilled.These lights are the homes of the thousands of people for whom you performed temple work. These lights in Mexico, and New Mexico are for your own sons Brycen and Nathan who served honorable missions. These lights are for those you will yet touch through your writing.

The entire world shone brightly before Rhett. He looked on in disbelief. But . . . how? He never did believe that plain Rhett Wintch had amounted to much. Life didn't pan out for him to accomplish the commission he'd received, and yet . . . there it was, laid out in brilliant detail before him. The hand pressed on his shoulder again turning him to the side.

He could behold them. People coming toward him. Could it be? "Jean," he cried, running into her outstretched arms. "Oh Jean, how I've missed you." The embrace was such that he didn't want to ever let her go, and as he held her tightly, the realization came. He didn't have too. He didn't have to! '' We did it Jean, we did it. I didn't think I fulfilled my commission of the Lord, but he showed me. I really did do it!"

"Oh that's just the beginning, she stated smiling up at him."

"What?"

She turned and stretched out her arm to all the people behind her. So many they couldn't be numbered. They came forward, love and gratitude shining from their faces. He didn't know them, but they knew him. One by one they embraced him then dropped to their knees, their tears bathing his feet. All of them thanking him for bringing the gospel into their lives.

Rhett stood looking at all the people in awe. These people really loved him, and were grateful beyond measure for what he'd done for them, and yet, he didn't even recall doing it. But the feeling was there. The warmth, the relief, the peace, and comfort filled his entire being. And then he observed his hands and feet. "I can move. This dream, it, it's wonderful beyond measure, but I must accept reality. He looked up to focus on the glitter shining from the textured ceiling. It was still there. It was a dream. A second tear began to make its way down his face. If only this were real. But I can't change my mortal life now, it's . . .it's . . .

The glitter on the ceiling again started to illuminate, but this time they seemed to hurtle into the sky at the speed of light, leaving trails of light in their wake. The lights soon gave way to that same smooth floor, and the same lights in the distance moving ever closer to him.

"Could this be a repeat of my dream?" he whispered to himself. "The person in front took form. White hair to his shoulders, well-groomed beard. Glorious beyond description. Rhett ran forward. His Savior opened his arms wide, and embraced him. Again the tears gushed forth, and Rhett dropped to his knees and bathed his Saviors feet with his tears. Why . . .? How? He caught himself in his thoughts. The remorse that he'd felt before was fleeing from his being as if a mighty wind had swept it away. Now, an even flow of warmth, light, and knowledge was flooding his entire being. It was true! It was all true! His Savior bent to his knees, looking him in the eyes, placing his hands on his shoulders. Well done, Brother Rhett Wintch. You shared my gospel with the inhabitants of the earth.

This time Rhett knew . . . he knew this was real because of the knowledge that enveloped him. He felt youthful exuberance throughout his body. He glanced at the hands resting on his shoulders. They were warm, loving, and . . . merciful. They stood, and Jesus embraced him again. Rhett did not ever want the feeling of such magnificent love to go, but he heard his Savior's words. "I sense you'd like to see your . . . eternal companion. He side-stepped back, keeping one arm around him, stretched out his arm, and there she was. So beautiful, so white, so pure, so . . . young. His everything! He was home. Jean ran into the outstretched arms of her Savior and her eternal companion. An embrace that spanned the eternities. They had fulfilled the commission they were sent to earth to do, and now . . . they were home.