My View of Life - Never Better!

Korri

"Life can't get any better," Monte shouted as he threw his graduation cap heavenward. "I did it, and I've got the job to prove it." That same morning Monte had been offered a job as a mechanic to work on the jet engines at Hill Air Force Base in Layton Utah.

"But this job with it's good salary and benefits isn't really why life can't get any better," Monte announced to his fellow graduates. "In three days I'm marrying the most beautiful, talented and sexy girl around. Eat your heart out boys. She's the life of any party, she's outgoing, cordial, kind . . . she's everything."

The night before the wedding Monte's friends threw him a bachelor party. Their gestures and support were ever so thoughtful. Monte made sure he didn't consume as much alcohol as his friends. He didn't want to dull his thoughts of his beautiful bride, and being hung over on his wedding day was not in the cards. Besides, he was taught all his life that alcohol had no good outcome, and was against his spiritual beliefs.

The wedding was everything either had ever dreamed of. Their vows were pronounced and they passionately kissed. After nearly a minute some oos and awes were heard from the participants. The only set back was that they had to make a trip to Salt Lake to get the plane tickets for their fight to Hawaii for their honeymoon. The set back being that Korri invited her cousin Kathy to join them. Monte shook his head. I've waited 23 years for my hands to be free, and now, the first time we were to be alone we have a guest--an unwanted guest.

Korri figured it out quickly as they drove down the road. "Whoops," she said, snuggling close to her husband. "Our time is soon at hand," she whispered in his ear.

And it was. Their honeymoon night was plenty full of fireworks, and the pyrotechnics continued all during their stay in Hawaii.

They settled into their new apartment in love and full of dreams. Monte aspired to move up the ladder at the air force base. One day he'd be the chief mechanic. He would spend his down time working on his hobby. He loved model airplanes and planed on making some impressive replicas of his favorite air crafts.

Korri had a list too long to count. She loved to do just about everything. She was already an excellent cook and a superior seamstress. She enjoyed gardening, landscaping, crafting, scrap booking, interior decorating, and a long line of other productive skills, but above all, she wanted to be a mother. She was the best big sister in the world according to her little siblings. She and Monte would raise them to be stalwart, strong, kind, courageous faithful men and women.

They settled into their routine of work, love and laughter. A sensational year went by, Monte mastering his trade with jet engines, and Korri, enjoying her hobbies, ever joyful, supportive and loving. They'd built a home and as a crowing cap to their first year together was the news that a new addition would arrive at their home in about eight months.

Their little girl, Sandy, arrived on the coldest day of the year, January 25^th but the cold wasn't even noticed because she warmed the two of them clear through. Her little room was decorated pretty as a picture. They invited all their friends over to see her and Korri's masterpiece of a bedroom.

They grew close to lots of their friends. Often they'd come over to play cards or a board game. It was always fun, but the friends liked to have a drink of alcohol on such occasions. Monte joined in a little not wanting to dampen their friendship. Korri simply stated she didn't drink alcohol and would always have some water or lemonade on hand.

Right near little Sandy's third birthday, a second child came into the world. Andrew was a skinny little fellow but in just weeks he would captivate his audiences with heartwarming smiles. Monte yearned for him to get old enough to appreciate his model planes. He now had seven of them, one of them measured five feet. His collection was so big that he and Korri felt it was time to start looking for a house with more room.

They did so. Comfortable, up high on the hill above Farmington. They could look out over the valley clear to the Great Salt Lake. It was a bit more of a commute but it was perfect.

It was at this time, when Andrew was turning one that Korri felt it necessary to confront Monte about his alcohol consumption. It was a modest few drinks during the week and heavier on the weekends.. It didn't feel right, and it was expensive.

"Well, work is demanding and it helps relax me after a tough day," Monte would say.

"I don't think that's the right type of relaxing," Korri insisted. "Let me help you relax. Let's be a little more romantic like we used to be."

Monte sincerely thought it over reflecting on what he was taught as a youth. He knew deep down she was right. "Sounds real good," he said.

Their plan took shape for a while, but Monte's drinking didn't diminish. It increased. With the birth of their third child, another boy they named Kent, he was at several drinks a day.

At this point something had to be done. Their romance in decline, Monte's hobby of planes put aside, their was nothing in Monte's life but his work and his alcohol.

"You've got to stop," Korri screamed. "You're ruining our family. The love we once shared is gone, you're not a father at all to the kids. Let's get you into AA."

Monte wanted to try. He recognized his addiction was becoming bigger than he was. He did so. He went, but it was a half-hearted effort. Korri tried everything. She was more romantic even during his drunkenness, she planed activities for him to be involved with the children, tried to do model planes with him, they went on picnics, camping, and even a vacation to Yellowstone National Park.

There were some good times. The news of a fourth child brought a spark to their marriage and their family. Another baby boy joined the family. Little Sammy's features were adorable. A bulky little guy with a zeal to explore everything to the fullest. Korri could just sit and watch him crawl around the living room. She felt fully entertained as if watching a Broadway play.

But the sadness was that Monte had resumed drinking even more. He was approaching nearly a fifth per day. Now his drunkenness was such that he was cruel to the kids. He didn't even notice little Sammy's eagerness for new adventure. His affection for his wife and children was no more. It was replaced with a sinful attitude toward anything that opposed his drinking.

Korri resorted again to yelling and screaming. This time it didn't work. It only made him drink more and become more sullen. Furthermore she didn't want Sandy and the others to hear them screaming at each other. Now eight years old, Sandy was keenly aware of her dad's alcoholism. Korri did everything to teach her and love her. It was difficult. She felt alone, but she had no choice. This was her dream to raise her kids in righteousness, and have them be a positive influence in society.

The drinking became worse. Now as Sandy was starting her teen-age years Monte began torturing the boys. The abuse was such that Korri had to protect them from him, and at last, they stayed away as best they could. He eyed Sandy, but she'd have nothing do to with him while he was drunk.

Monte began showing interest in other females--anyone but his wife. She was not supportive of his ways so he looked elsewhere. Now Korri was faced with a mind shattering decision. This was abuse. Was this beyond repair?

She mulled the thoughts of divorce over in her mind. It would kill Monte. He'd lose the house due to the child support. Where would she go? What would she do? Where would she get the money to support four children? Her quandary lasted five years. Sandy was getting ready to graduate from high school. She was a good girl. She made wise decisions. When fall came she left for college.

Korri sat back a cried like a baby. Her one soul-mate in life was gone. Hours went by. She thought of her family. Andrew was fully into drugs and alcohol at age 15. He had dropped out of school. His hair was long, and he bucked any sign of authority.

At age 17, one day, he was gone. With the little news she was able to gather on him he was living in a crack house.

Korri sunk in to deep depression. Kent and Sammy were in need of much nurture, but it wasn't in her. She found herself weeping much of the time. She lost all her zeal to pursue her hobbies. The house became disheveled and smelly. Kent also left at age 17. He had developed a same sex attraction and went to live with a boyfriend.

Now, all that was left was her and Sammy. He had once warmed her heart. She longed to be able to render the love and nurture he needed. She tried. But she had nothing left. And besides, Sammy had started to indulge in alcohol. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Korri had two cards left to play. She chose the latter. She went to the store and bought her own liquor. When Monte arrived home from work, he entered the kitchen and began making his way for his bottle. However, this time there was a change in his routine. He was met with his wife and two bottles.

"I figure it's high time we celebrate together," Korri announced handing him his bottle. " And by the way. Let's have a little fun before we get too drunk."

Monte smiled. "Best plan I've heard of in ages." He grabbed the bottle and began to guzzle.

Korri lifted her bottle to her lips. It smelled ghastly and tasted just as bad. Tears came to her eyes as the realization hit her of what she was doing. She fought past her conscience and did her best to get it down.

Quickly the room began spinning. They made their way to the bedroom. The sex was not enjoyable. His breath stunk. His mannerisms were not of love, but she held on until he was relieved.

Monte went back to his bottle, quickly finishing it. Korri didn't get half way through hers. She dropped the bottle and passed out on the floor.

She awoke with a blanket over her. She would never know that Sammy had tried to wake her, screaming for her to never do it again, and that he would try stopping as well. That afternoon Korri repeated the same routine. It would be three years of the same. Sammy left home, not even bothering to tell his parents where he was going.

By now the routine had significantly changed. Korri wouldn't wait for Monte to get home. She would be drunk by noon. No romance was shared by either of them.

On her 50^th birthday Korri woke up noticing some changes in her body. Her skin had a yellowish tint, and her once flat belly protruded out as if she was pregnant. She went into the bathroom and was surprised to see her urine was tea colored. "What is happening?"

She had no idea that women absorb more alcohol with each drink than men. That she ran a much greater risk of liver damage than Monte. Obviously she couldn't see inside her body to witness the destruction of her liver cells and the resultant scaring. Her liver, once smooth and deep red was now lumpy and blackened.

Her mind was foggy. The years of alcohol had destroyed her brain cells, and atrophied her brain tissue. The neurotransmitters of her brain had diminished function. There was a build up of ammonia in her blood stream. She had no idea that the liver converts ammonia into urea, but when the liver is damaged it can no longer perform that function. The ammonia builds up causing weakness, fatigue and confusion. Her stomach felt like it was on fire. She had developed ulcers. She knew she was mal-nourished, but she had no idea she was missing many key vitamins.

Korri began spending her days barely able to crawl out of bed. She vomited frequently, she began running a temperature, her immune system was shot, she couldn't eat. She was dying. She needed help.

Monte managed to get her to a nearby hospital where she received treatment. It would be two years of agony. She was on the liver transplant list and at that two year mark received the operation and got a new liver.

The process wasn't easy with all the anti-rejection medicines, and the continued recovery. But slowly she improved. She began thinking of her children, and made every effort to be involved with them. Sandy was happily married and doing well. It felt good to re-kindle their relationship. But it was a sad scene for the boys.

Andrew was lost in drugs, and in and out of prison. Kent had contracted aids and was dying, her little Sammy with the zeal for life was a drunk like his dad.

She went to her husband and plead with him. "I'm better now. At least somewhat. I need you. Go to AA. You've got to stop or I'll go back to the alcohol."

Monte did take her pleading to heart. He knew if he didn't quit he would lose her. He went a day without drinking. It was a horrible day. He began shaking uncontrollably. Restless and anxious he made it to the hospital. Upon arriving he had a seizure. With medication and even some alcohol, his symptoms were calmed down.

He was sent home on the medication that would keep him from seizing and shaking, and entered AA. He cringed with each passing moment to run to the liquor store. He fought each minute of every day. He knew he loved Korri, and he also knew the consequences for her and for him if he went back to his drunken state.

Korri did everything she could to help him. Tasty meals, romance, everything he could possible want, she did.

On the third day he became angry. "I'm torturing myself," he shouted. "I can't do this!" He made his way to the door.

"Please I beg of you," Korri screamed. "I can't do it," he growled. "Not even for you."

"Oh please no." She grabbed him. "Please!" He shook her off. She lunged again this time grabbing his leg. Again he shook her off and made his way to the car.

He looked back at her. On her knees sobbing in the doorway. He closed his eyes. "You just can't do this, Monte!" Did he mean he couldn't do it to her or to himself? It was to himself. Monte made his way to the liquor store, bought several bottles, and returned to his drunken stupor.

Days went by. Korri sobbed uncontrollably. Could she leave him now? The kids were gone. She let the thought sink deep in her heart. She'd have to leave or die with him.

Two weeks later, Korri made her decision. When Monte came home from work and made his way to his bottle, he found her drunk at the table.

"You had to do it didn't you," he murmured.

Korri looked up through reddened tear filled eyes. "You were my true love. My everything. I will die right here with you."

Monte let her words sink in. She was telling the truth. She was choosing death rather than leaving him. It was either her or the bottle. It was crunch time. He sat at the kitchen table. Hours went by. He awoke the next morning still at the table. Korri was sitting in a chair across from him.

He looked up at her, and beheld the pleading written on her face. Then he looked at his hands--shaking. An hour went by. Neither of them moved or spoke. At the two hour mark, Monte looked over at his bride, closed his eyes, then slowly got up and made his way to the pantry for his bottle.

Korri made it two years with her new liver. This time she would not be placed on the liver transplant list. The days became agonizing, the vomiting, the fevers, the weakness, the yellow skin, her belly huge, her sunken eyes, the confusion, the wrinkled skin and so forth. She looked 84 not 54.

On the warmest day of the year, July sixteenth, she awoke in her bed. She was surprised to see Monte lying there looking at her, his eyes soft and tearful. She made every effort to reach over to comfort him. There was no strength. Again she tried, but couldn't. How did the alcohol creep into their lives. It was so silent, so subtle. She pushed the thought out of her mind and reminisced of their dreams, all the fun activities together they'd planned. Their united family, stalwart and faithful. She knew he wanted all that too. All she could do was try to convey her love to her husband through her eyes. It was in that state that her eyes made one last gesture of kindness and forgiveness, and became fixed.

Monte looked into the eyes of his bride. He'd killed his true love, and all of life itself for the both of them. And most of his family as well.

The funeral was solemn. Sandy was the only child present. A few friends and some extended family were there. Korri lay there broken in every way. Most profound was her broken heart. All her dreams and aspirations,especially those of being successful loving parents together with her husband were obliterated, locked in a bottle.